Communicating during a divorce
There’s a reason why people enjoy using texts and emails to communicate. When we’re busy, want to keep communications brief, or simply prefer not to talk to someone directly. We can send a short and sweet communication and be done with it.
This is one of the reasons why texts and emails are a good way to communicate with your spouse when divorce proceedings are underway. You can say only what needs to be or should be said, minus hostile tones, loud voices, or any nuances that could be interpreted as hostile. Too many face-to-face conversations arouse painful memories and resentment and, as a result, dissolve into shouting matches.
This doesn’t mean that electronic communications are rage-proof. People can and do send frustrated and angry messages which in turn end up being shown to opposing counsel in an effort to gain a custody or spousal support advantage. Don’t let yourself be one of them.
With this in mind, here are some tips for communicating electronically with your spouse during and even after the divorce.
Focus on the facts only
When an email or text from your spouse arrives, review it and focus only on the facts. If they are being rude, condescending, or blatantly hostile, resist the impulse to reply in kind. Instead, address the purpose of the message, such as what time he or she can come by to pick up the kids, and leave it at that. Never hit “Send” when you are fuming.
Be willing to acknowledge the positive
Unless they are guilty of domestic violence and / or child abuse, your spouse likely has good qualities as a parent. Even if they express their love for the children in a manner different from yours, be willing to give them credit. This may be hard to do, especially in the beginning, but emphasizing their positive attributes as a parent, both to the kids and to them in a text or email, can lay the foundation for a healthy co-parenting relationship.
Share details about the children
When your child comes home with straight As on her report card, wins a competition, or even loses her first tooth, let your former spouse know if they weren’t there to witness the event personally. Using email and text to communicate positive information about the kids can set the stage for messages that are more pleasant to receive and beneficial for everyone involved.
When you and your spouse use electronic communications to exchange information and ask questions in a respectful manner, you are not the only ones who benefit. Your children will regard you both as models for how two adults deal with conflict, and in the process absorb lessons that they can apply to future relationships.
At Eskin & Eskin, P.C., a family law firm for family law matters, we are mindful of the effects of children in a divorce or separation. Our office is located near the Bronx courthouses and we offer free consultations to prospective clients. You may reach us at 718-402-5204 with any questions you may have regarding divorce and family law. Visit us online at eskinandeskinlaw.com.
